


today, you didn't even have the strength to open your eyes

by bisang (dreamchapter)



Series: it's okay (i'm here for you) [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, seungyoun sleeps a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-11-02 05:14:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20633135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamchapter/pseuds/bisang
Summary: seungyoun dreams, and dreams.





	today, you didn't even have the strength to open your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> a continuation to [when your shadow is too hard to handle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20614115)
> 
> can be read separately.

there's a hollow feeling in his chest when he finishes up his dinner, washed up and chased hangyul out of their room. it's only when seungyoun lies in bed, scrolling thoughtlessly through twitter, when it all comes together.

the dinner tasted of nothing; the spicy jjampong he always found unbearable? can't taste it. what did the kids eat that night? the shower– he doesn't remember if he showered, or just stood under the showerhead and let the water run all over him.

it's back.

seungyoun tosses his phone aside and turns off the lamp illuminating the room. the room falls dark, he shuts his eyes. he'll deal with it when he wakes up.

he dreams of a field. the sky's blue, and there are colorful flowers. the grass is green, and a herd of sheep can be seen afar. a gentle breeze; branches sway gently in the wind. his members are around him, the younger ones immersed in a game of catch, while he and seungwoo sit under a tree, watching them with a gentle smile on their faces.

from beside him, seungwoo comments, "the sky's pretty today, isn't it?"

seungyoun nods, looking up. he brings a hand up, shielding his eyes from the blinding rays of the sun, and when he brings it down, everything changes.

the sky is blue, the grass is green. a plain field, with only him in it.

seungyoun wakes up. the morning light streams into the room throw the curtains, illuminating the room, yet the colors look muted. a knock on the door, hangyul's voice, a jiggling of the doorknob. did he lock the door?

he shuts his eyes again.

he quickly returns to the dream.

seungyoun looks around, eyes searching every corner of the field. there's no one. nothing. then he turns back, and–

"boo!" his members yell, pouncing onto him. they laugh at seungyoun's terrified expression, poking fun at him. seungwoo stands to the side, looking at them fondly.

when he blinks, they're gone.

he wakes again, and the sky is orange. there's noises outside his room. the chattering of his members, laughter from hangyul as yohan cracks a joke.

"younie, you need to drink water," a familiar voice, but seungyoun can't pinpoint who it belongs to.

he wants to reply, but his feet are cold, and he can't feel his tongue. maybe later.

he's greeted by seungwoo in his dreams. they talk– about themselves, their families, produce, debut. seungwoo talks about his family, how he wants to repay them and support them, how much he misses them. seungyoun talks about the years leading up to now, how much he wanted to prove something to himself. 

seungwoo sighs, and seungyoun  _ knows _ .

when he blinks, seungwoo disappears. the field around him swirls into nothingness, green and blue mixing and mixing, forming white.

his ceiling is white. is it morning again? his stomach rumbles. later.

the room is white. seungyoun is alone with his thoughts. he finds that he’d rather be alone in that field. at least he'll be able to keep himself distracted by counting grass. 

he wakes. it's still day. or is it the afternoon? seungyoun doesn't know, he doesn't keep a clock by his bed, and he can't find his phone when he turns his head to the sides. he should text seungwoo and tell him that he's fine. maybe later, he's too tired.

he's in the field again. there's flowers, sheep, and his members. they talk and joke around. at some point, wooseok and hangyul got up to search for frogs, and the younger members chased each other around the field. yohan says something corny, which seungyoun laughs at, eyes closing shut when seungwoo adds to the jokes.

then he opens his eyes, and find that he's laughing at corpses. he looks around: the sky is red, the grass is dry. he can make out the outlines of other carcasses lying around. he turns back to the two corpses in front of him.

around him, the world burns as he stares into seungwoo's empty eyes.

he wakes, the light is gone again. there’s no sound of traffic, and it’s quiet outside. maybe it’s early in the morning. 2am, 3am. maybe 4?

for the first time in a while, seungyoun gets up.

when he opens his eyes again, he finds himself in the arms of someone. seungwoo? he always feels safe in his arms. seungyoun moves closer, burying himself deeper into the person’s chest.

his movement wakes the other person. “youn? how do you feel?” followed by several other voices. he only focuses on the first voice– seungwoo’s. he falls asleep again.

he dreams of a boy; he dreams of seungwoo. in the dream, they’re alone on the field, holding hands.

when he blinks, he’s still there.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment?


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